I just need to let some stuff out.

This is honestly the 18th birthday to remember, I don't think I could ever forget this day and the day leading up to it. I just don't know anymore, I feel like I'm losing faith in everything and I'm letting everyone down around me. I just wanna leave, just run away as far as I can to not have to deal with all of this. I have NO idea where my friend is, I tried calling his house phone twice today and no one picked up which is putting an idea in my head that he's gone. Then we tried a couple hospitals near his house to see if he was there and still no. If I found out that he's gone I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. Don't worry my day gets even better. 

So for a while now I've been talking to someone and the thing about it is that they really started to like me and wanted to be with me and at first to be honest I only thought of them as a friend because of who they are. Then as we continued to talk, it moved to skype like all the time we'd do the text chat thingy with a few vid chats here and there and over time I did develop feelings for them. I found out that they liked me more than a friend, but I told them that I didn't, but I really did. When we text chatted I'd tell them that I did have feelings, but when we were face to face my emotions never backed that up. Then yesterday I find out they no longer have feelings for me like they're confused on how I really feel because I never show it. It sucks because I honestly can't get them out of my head, I feel like 100x better when we talk like I wait and count the hours till they get off work and I've been so excited because this person will be coming down to the area where I'll be for college in May and I've just been so pumped for that, but this...this sucks. I don't know what it is, but I guess this is why I've never really been in a relationship. I don't know how to show feelings towards someone else, I don't express myself, and that turns them away and I lose something or someone I really do care for. I just don't know anymore, I don't know anything. I can't force them to like me again, and I just don't know what to do. It sucks even more because this isn't just a guy I like, but it's a girl I met that I like and maybe it's because I've never been in this situation because I'm straight, but I just don't know.